The Injury Bug Hits The Big Guy

I know what you're thinking, "This headline must be a ruse, Bert could never get injured. He's 10 feet tall and made of bulletproof steel!" Well, while most of that is true, it is not I that am injured, but my beloved fantasy footballers. You see my friends, Willie Parker has been out for a few weeks, LT has yet to be his incredible self, DAMN YOU CAMPBELL SOUP, DAMN YOU, and on Monday Night as we all watched with anticipation to see if Jay Cutler, Michael Pittman, and Wes Welker "Texas Ranger" could pull of the amazing comeback; both of the beloved Broncos went down with injuries. IN THE FIRST 5 FUCKING MINUTES!!!! To add salt to my wounds, Wes Welker has an amazing punt return, which I see no points for, that sets up Randy Moss's beauty of touchdown catch. Great for the Patriots, doesn't really effect Bert right? Wrong, Syeth "Boy of Wonder" Weldon decided to go against his better judgment and actually select a productive wide receiver. Damn you Boy of Wonder! Then on another play, the fearless boys for Chowda Land, decide to run a screen, with a beauty of a block by my own Wes Welker, to Randy Moss! Thanks to Welker "Texas Ranger" the Patriots go up by another six points and the Boy of Wonder puts our little fantasy match up to rest. Oh, and Jay Cutler's injured finger results in two ridiculously bad thrown balls and lead to interceptions. Thanks Jay, you're a real gem of a QB! Well, I'm done bashing my own team now lets move on to someone else.

Geoff's sister Leslie "Louder than a Church" Bell called me this week trying to get my email address. "Why?" I asked. Well, it turns out that Leslie, who is the dominant sibling in the Bell family and perhaps in the household all together, has a video from Geoff's youth. It is a must see she told me. As it turns out, Geoff as a little kid is just as nerdy and awkward as Geoff as a bigger kid. There was a video game released years ago for the Dreamcast system, I had never played it, that was called HALO. Unbeknown to all of us living in Georgia, this game was quite a hit. You see, Geoff was living in Orlando at the time and it seems video games were very popular there so he got a rare glimpse at the Halo series before it was released on our beloved XBOX. Well folks, Leslie was able to successfully upload the video onto the computer. As I go remember if you can't be good, then be good at it. And I leave you with; Geoff as a child:

Ref Tackles Cock?

Have you seen those Buffalo Wild Wing commercials? Where the referee forces the game into overtime so the people can continue drinking? Well, this referee must be a huge fan because watch what he does to the South Carolina player:



Hahahaha...fascinating.

The Heaviest Coffee Table Book Ever!

This is not even a real post, but I'm sharing a video for everyone to enjoy. This chick is filming herself singing with hilarious results.


Big Chick Falls Off Table - Watch more free videos

R-E-D-E-M-P-T-I-O-N SONG

Today
we spell redemption, B-I-G G-U-Y. The word of the weekend is redemption my friends. First it was Saturday afternoon with a ol' fashion UGA buttwhoopin' on them mountain folk, the Tennessee "We'll play anyone at quarterback, seriously we're taking" Volunteers. Your boy was thrown out of the game at the end of the first half for calling a fat bitch...well a fat bitch. But worry not my dear competitors, like a hard cock into a tight sorority girl, I found a way in. Then on Sunday, the Dirty Birds looked down and out after losing a lead which could have been cemented by Jason Elam. Again, no need to fret, Matt "Better than the steakhouse," Ryan's testicular fortitude to stay in the pocket was rewarded with a 26 yard pass. The completion left one...one second left on the clock and enough room for Jason Elam to, "totally redeem" himself! If that isn't the definition of redemption I have no idea what is. But wait, there's more. As if I needed the Monday Night Game to finalize the trifecta, On Monday, the Busch Leaguers proved just that, to be Busch League against the much more powerful and confident We Are Who You Thought We Were! My boys reached the century mark again, and with it will come the greatest winning streak of them all!

I was going to gloat about how badly I whooped Kyle, but then I checked the scoreboard and after a thorough examination I found that Kyle's ass kicking was but a mere after school special compared to some of the other more vile ass kickings this week. I'll start with the Kimbo Slice type knockout and I give you the PrimeTime Playaz over the socially inept Knowshon's Nig-Nogs. Wow, this ass kicked was perhaps the worst of Dulog's life. I'm sure it won't be the last but 63 points! 63! Good Lord almighty Jimmy, thats one point for every inch of shit that God stacked you, you miserably little bastard. I'm not sure which hurt worse, the ass kicking Bachler delivered to you or the fact that the Mutts can't even get a back to back streak going of making the playoffs, much less winning the division. Wow, atleast the Mutts have a streak going of biggest collapses, two straight years. Nicely down boys from Queens, nicely down.

But our beloved Dulog did not even suffer the worst defeat of the week, and quite possibly ever. That honor was bestowed on the bow legged younger brother Syeth Weldon and his mispelled and misled team, BRYDGANG. The Rodney King style beating was the single worst lopsided victory every witnessed in our league and should go down in history as the most pathetic attempt at anything ever, more than Geoff trying to dunk a basketball, Serillo trying to form complete sentences when drinking, ever. 81 point differential! 81! I'm pretty sure most of you cannot even count that high, much less beat a team by that much. Congratulations Murray, hopefully you have successfully beaten the stupid out of Syeth.

But on a lighter note, welcome to the winner's circle Justin. In what has to be the upset of the week, Frankenstein was able to beat the overconfident and plurally challenged Ice Man. Not even Reggie Wayne's big day or Tony Romo's big fantasy day, terrible reality though, could keep Justin out of getting that W. He had three players score in the twenties, and Maurice Jones "Nancy" Drew was the top performer of the week. Savor the flavor you little punk, cause it sure as hell ain't gonna happen again. But Justin I'm still proud of you, it's like when you become a father and you have a son. You try to teach that son to ride his bike without the training wheels. Justin, I've seen you fall and fall and fall and fall without those training wheels on, but every time you've gotten back up, skinned knee, bloody nose, what ever, and you've tried to ride that bike. Well son, you made it, congratulations, you made it. My advice for you, however, is to wear a helmet because I think another fall is coming.

Well, this week I face the team that has managed to score the lowest points all season in our league averaging an abysmal 61 points a game. You're going down Syeth, you and your whole B-Y-RDGANG, not BR-Y-DGANG, B-Y-RDGANG are going down! So please be good, and if you can't be good then be good at it! Boom!