A Tad? A Tad Lloyd?

There are hangovers and there are hangovers. As a Georgia fan, this one may last longer than most. As a former student of the sub par University of Alabama, this one will last another four years. That's how long it will take to get revenge on the team that has been the whipping boy for our beloved Bulldawgs for the past few years. Thank God, we were all blacked out! Like one of the most dynamic duos of our time, Llloyd and Harry, aka Mark Richt and Willie Martinez sat on the sidelines arguing as if they were stuck in the middle of Kansas after driving halfway across the country; "in the wrong directions!" I know that Knowshon left the game in the 4th quarter with a deep bruise on his elbow, but where was he in the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd quarters? For those that were counting, Georgia ran the ball 16 times, 16!!! That's one attempt for every year Geoff's mom has been disappointed with him. Appalled? You should be! In comparison, the Crimson Ripple ran the ball 45 times for a 129 yards. If Richt doesn't get his head out of his ass Vanderbilt might stay atop the SEC East for good. I'm hoping and betting, however, on a rematch in the Dome that pits The Dawgs against the Tide. Embarrassing. But that's enough about the weekend tat was college football, now on to fantasy football.

Like Georgia will respond against fat ass Fulmer, I responded with a huge win against our crooked League Manager! Your favorite team to ever grace ESPN's league, the greatest team ever assembled; We Are Who You Thought We Were defeated the previously undefeated MFers. I can hear your cheers through the computer, its what drives me. Knowing that each week you all escape your depressing, uneventful, bleak lives and log onto the internet, and even before your perverted little minds start racing to the freakish porn you so love to whack it to, you check the scoreboards. Not for your own teams, but to see how the most electrifying team in fantasy football history has done! You were all greeted with a decisive win this week; Your Welcome! So many people I want to thank, LT, you are finally coming back into form, Jericho Cotchery, I've always loved the name Jericho and this week you broke the walls down! Jay Cutler, not stellar but solid performance. Hell, Brett Favre had half of your 70 points Adama. The Big Guy has moved into first place in Division 2!

For the first time, possibly ever, I want to congratulate Geoff "Insert Your Zinger Here" Bell. Geoff had to deal with some major players having a bye week, which is actually his fault for not checking on that during the draft. But he surprised everyone and beat the lowly Bangalorians. Praveen, as of Monday at 10 30, you have 40 points! 40 points! Good lord kid, Justin had more this week. Geoff is going to walk away with a win and he doesn't need to score over fifty. You are an embarrassment, Praveen, an embarrassment to fantasy football managers everywhere. Leave the league bud, because I don't think your season is getting any better. Congratulations Geoff, you have for the first time in your life, exceeded expectations and are above average. You are above .500. Way to go bud. That's all for the Big Guy this week, and remember; If you can't be good, then be good at it!

Edit: I also want to congratulate Dan Zilske. Dan and I have assured that no one in this league will end the season undefeated. The Ice Man, apparently your team is just one single force of a man, has upset the previously undefeated and unchallenged Atl Underdawgs. It is once again anyone's league; as long as that anyone is me, baby, me!

Here We Go...

If dreams could fit into a real life situation tonight is the form they would take. While we are mere hours from what should be a very eventful evening with Kyle, I cannot divulge too much information. Well, then Big Guy, why are you blogging this afternoon? I am blogging to predict the week ahead in our fantasy football league. That's right, The Big Guy is adding a dimension to his award winning blog, (Named Best Fantasy Football Blog by both Popular Science and Boy's Life,) for the first time, predictions will be made. What to look for in the next week, and why my next opponent is terrible. Well maybe not all has changed and I promise, as always, to include a cheap shot at everyone's favorite loser Geoff "I Wish I Was Part of the Zach Attack on Saved by the" Bell.


Let me start off with predicting my game for the week, which pits the Most Electrifying Team in all of Fantasy Football; We Are Who You Thought We Were, versus the lowly, last place, almost as bad as Justin "Not So Smooth" Serillo's team, I'm talking about the racially agitating, Knowshon's Nig-Nogs. Like their coach James "My Future is as Clear as New York City's Water" Dulog in any situation, the Nig-Nogs are over-matched, outwitted, and outclassed. Dulog does have some things going for him; the freak Brandon Jacobs is playing well, Larry Johnson is going to get a lot of touches against the Dirty Birds, and Steven Jackson will be looking to make a statement against the Seahawks. That's all great but if I could take you back to the SATs and do an analogy for a minute it will prove why James and the Giant Peach will lose. Here we go...Jeff Garcia is to a job as James Dulog is to a win. Neither of them have one, now let's let you try a few; Jeff Garcia is to scoring points as James Dulog is to ____________. Jeff Garcia is to being named MVP as James Dulog is to ______________. Okay, put your pencils down, the answer I was looking for was beating Bert's amazing team this week. The connector was he won't, I would also have accepted, "waking up next to a girl without her screaming," or "succeeding," any of the above I would have accepted. But enough about James, he's having a bad year so far and it doesn't look as if the Mutts are going to be able to keep it together either.


Now onto the picks...


Game 1: Busch Leaguer vs. #24-4-Heisman (The actual Busch Leaguer)


Prediction: Busch Leaguers 88, Heisman -14
Yes, it's Kyle's big weekend, and it's Justin aka Frankenstein nightmare that is his life, he loses big in this one and fails to make it back to the status, that being the zero that is his future.


Game 2: Ice Man (Is your team actually one man? Like the Power Rangers form a huge beast that is the Ice Man?) vs Messa Vista Monkies (You do know it is spelled Monkeys right Arash?)


Prediction: Ice Man 95, Monkies (wow) 93
This one will be the closest of the week, but the abysmal offense of the Bucs will result in the big points of da Bears defense. Look for Hester to return a big one for 6. I also love the Witten and Romo selections. I do however love Arash's picture for his team's logo, priceless.


Game 3: Bangalore vs. I Get Money


Prediction: Bangalore 67, Get Money 64
The worst game of the week features our league manager and our beloved
Banglorian friend Praveen. I don't see ADP playing many downs and I see Rivers having a huge game. My only question, Praveen, why do you have so many awful quarterbacks? One is sufficient.


Game 4: PrimeTime vs. Brydgang? (I'm guessing you can't spell, but that would explain Syeth)


Prediction: PrimeTime 84, Brydgang 76
Bryan, welcome to the win column. Savor the flavor kid because it might not happen again.


Game 5: BWeezy vs. Atl Underdawgs


Prediction: Atl Underdawgs 108, BWeezy 101
Yes folks, its true, Murray stays undefeated and keeps pace with the league leader, which just happens to be the Big Guy. This is going to be a high scoring game
though, as I think Drew Brees and Terrell Owens have the chance to score in the 20s and the chance for BWeezy to have multiple touchdowns with Brees and have the recipients of those TDs in Shockey and Henderson, I can see an upset here. I'm sticking with Murray and Manning however, I also like Forte, oh and Marshawn Lynch is going to have perhaps the biggest week of anyone.


Well all of the games have been predicted, but I can't help to make this bold, BOLD prediction; even though Geoff has a bye this week, I think he might still find a way to get a loss, crowning him the all time biggest loser in fantasy football history! That's all for me today, and as always, if you can't be good, then be good at it.

Chalk It Up!

That's right ladies and underachievers, The Big Guy and his band of superiority was victorious in week 1. I know, I know, I played and Geoff and his gang of retards, but its a win nonetheless. I actually will stand up for the numb minded Geoff, he actually drafted an alright team. He just had one mistake, had he not started the Jets' receiver that Favre can't find, (or if he drafted the right Jets' receiver, which is what I did), and instead put in the high flying Hank Basket, he would have won. But in classic Geoff fashion, he made the wrong decisions and lost. If he only had a nickel for every time that's happened, Geoff would be able to own an actual NFL team.

But enough about Geoff, even though it's early Geoff may not have had the worst draft. So far all fingers point to my man; Justin "Not So Smooth" Serillo. With the third pick in this year's fantasy draft Justin selects his draft to go down in flames! It's over bud, it is over. Your team is like a failed STD test; it's just bad news. Your top earner is your defense, barely beating out two receivers. Wow, you scored 54 points last week which is actually the same as your IQ. Now you have left your team in the hands of David Garrard. Good fucking luck bud. You've got about as good a chance winning with that QB as DuLog does being happy in life. Justin if I were you I would kill myself, you have no hope of doing anything productive in the next year, and I'm not just talking about fantasy football. Your life is over pal.

Well, I have nothing else to rant about. I had a great weekend up in South Bend watching Notre Dame surviving an upset bid by the much feared San Diego State Aztecs. It was a great time and I'm in a great mood. I have high hopes for this season fellas, wish I could say the same for you.
Imag provided by Sports Illustrated's website.

The First of Many

Yes, it's true, sadly, but inevitably, true: I have started my own blog. Because I have found the ESPN League Office to be too small, too bland, and too Disney, I have created my own haven where I will be able to run my mouth freely about how terrible, inferior, and weak your teams are in comparison to the greatest team in the world: We Are Who You Thought We Were. I want to start by thanking Kyle Farrell, without his ingenious idea this blog would never exist. It does and his suggestion has created the most angelic, superficial, explosive blog on all of the Intranet. Thank you Kyle, thank you.

I also want to thank Geoff "I Don't Think I Could Lift a 5 Pound Dumb" Bell, because of you my team will be on the fast track to success. You will have the dubious honor of being my first win. Don't be ashamed Geoff, it will be the first of many, and may even be a close one since it is early and my best running...excuse the best running back in the game has yet to play an actual down of football yet. Yes, I'm talking about LT, the undisputed first pick of any and all drafts. I must say that unlike you Geoff, I relish the fact that I picked first and unlike your mother with a hung Mexican from Tijuana, I didn't blow it. I also would like to thank you Geoff because you will undoubtedly be the most picked on, most hated, and most heckled of all the fantasy football participants this way. It isn't planned like that, but like failure and yourself, it is a self-fulfilled prophecy. You just always seem to set yourself up for it.

Well, this has been an uneventful post, but I am gearing up to travel up to South Bend, Indiana to watch the beloved Notre Dame Fighting Irish destroy the barbaric San Diego State Aztecs. Enjoy your Saturday Geoff, because your hang over is going to last an entire week, a week of me berating you with insults at how pathetic your team was in our game. The picture up top represents what I am going to do to you (In case you were wondering you are an exposed Rex Grossman).